You know how a message can reach you in exactly the right moment? That was this morning’s #truthbomb, courtesy of Danielle LaPorte, and I had to share.
I wasn’t super kind to myself yesterday: trying to override my body’s needs to sleep and eat because I had “other plans.” Rest and food didn’t fit in with my schedule right when my body needed it – and that happens sometimes, because life. The problem is that my body is still learning to trust me again from a long history of restricting rest and food, so I’ve noticed it sometimes still goes a little haywire when it feels ignored. Yesterday, that meant feeling really distant and preoccupied – and then wanting to eat everything in sight. We all know how it goes; you get so hungry that anything will do, and then nothing seems to fill you up.
This is a cycle I trapped myself in for a really long time – restrict, binge, repeat. It was frustrating and completely terrifying. Even with awareness and trying to practice mindful eating, it doesn’t always work. And so, rather than beat myself up last night (which was always my go-to response after a binge) I decided to take stock of the situation and decipher what was really going on. I was tired from a long week with a lot of late nights. I waited too long to eat both breakfast and lunch – always a no-no for me. And I was feeling guilty for not “being present.” Guilt is almost a guaranteed route straight to the almond butter jar. Or, in yesterday’s case, a loaf of pumpkin bread. Which often leads to a full-on shame-fest.
Here’s the thing: sometimes we overeat. Because we’re tired, because we’re hungry, because hell, it tastes good. And it’s taken a lot of practice, but I’m learning to let it go. I no longer believe that it’s a reflection of my character. It doesn’t make me a bad person, or a failure. And with that in mind, I was able to process and move on. I didn’t spend the evening beating myself up. I didn’t feel the urge to try and “exercise it off.” I didn’t vow to restrict tomorrow in a ridiculous attempt to “cleanse” myself. I didn’t lose sleep over it. I made the decision not to bring shame into the new day with me. I forgave myself.
I’m saying all of this because it is healing. Forgiving yourself is one of the most healing things you can do, and I hope you’ll give yourself that grace today too – for whatever it is that’s been weighing on you. It feels so good, and it is so necessary to keep moving forward. The world needs you, unencumbered.
Let it go, simply for the reason that it is heavy.