Hello! I’m Kate, and this is a space where I explore – and challenge – ideas about health, beauty, self-worth and our complicated relationships with food.
After a battle with anorexia at 16, I truly thought I’d beaten it and would never deal with it again. But eating disorders are tricky, and in my mid-20s the perfect storm of stress and anxiety resulted in a trifecta – anorexia, orthorexia and binge eating. I realized that controlling food had become my go-to for coping.
After nearly 5 years of starts and stops, I made the decision to do a concentrated program that would give me the time and space to focus on recovery. And it truly was discovery within recovery – but it wasn’t the magical fix I desperately wanted. I was still really stuck in old beliefs and fears, and feeling good felt foreign. Trusting myself was terrifying, especially when I still had the same messages about what I was “supposed” to do, what I “should” eat and what I “needed” to do to “live my best life.” Amazing, isn’t it, how the pursuit of healthiness can make us anything but?
It’s a work in progress, just like anything else in life. Boundaries, trust, self love and self care – these essential needs are constantly evolving. But the foundation is key. Without it, there’s nothing to grow from. The experience also reaffirmed that we can’t build this foundation alone. We need support, love and wisdom from others. It means being vulnerable – and that can be very scary.
The silver lining in all of it is that, in surviving, I can talk to other people about their experiences. I can help to incite awareness and change when it comes to the way we see, think and talk about our bodies. This is incredibly challenging work, and it’s always a work in progress.